Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) Review

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Ken Jeong, Kevin Dunn, Julie White, Patrick Dempsey, Alan Tudyk, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, John Turturro, Leonard Nimoy (voice)

Director: Michael Bay

Studio: Paramount Pictures / DreamWorks

Genre: Action / Adventure

Rating: PG-13 (For intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo.)

Running Time: 2 hours 34 minutes

Release Date: June 29, 2011

Official Site: http://www.transformersmovie.c... [Link Opens In New Browser Window]

Soundtrack: Buy it from Amazon.com [Link Opens In New Browser Window]

SYNOPSIS:

Shia LaBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. When a mysterious event from Earth's past erupts into the present day it threatens to bring a war to Earth so big that the Transformers alone will not be able to save us.

The saying tells us you can't teach an old dog new tricks. For the most part, Transformers: Dark of the Moon proves this. However, even if a dog can't learn a trick they will sometimes try their hardest to please their masters, who tend to love them no matter what. Michael Bay's relationship with his audience is really no different, but it does seem as if Bay's audience is growing tired of his lack of effort after Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which is to say if Bay wants to be appreciated as much as he wants box-office success he was going to have to put in a little more time in the lab.

To that end, Bay is clearly trying harder to deliver his first cohesive Transformers film, free of distractions and clutter. For him it's like fitting a square peg into a round hole, and while it appears he has just shaved that peg down enough to where it will fit, even if it means gaping holes on all sides, his primary goal of telling a story that makes sense, with action sequences you can understand and only the slightest amount of unnecessary comedy was achieved. Dark of the Moon is epic when it comes to spectacle and its use of 3D was obviously thought out in advance rather than a post-converted after thought. It is hardly a film for the ages, but it serves its purpose bringing us the first true summer blockbuster of 2011.

Dark of the Moon begins with what is becoming a common place occurrence in major blockbusters, a 100% CG introduction accompanied by voiceover. In this case Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) tells us the story of an ark that left the Transformers' home planet of Cybertron and crash landed on Earth's moon back in the early '60s, becoming the primary, but secret, reason for U.S. interest in reaching the moon. Amidst flashbacks of Kennedy and Nixon we are introduced to this storyline which concludes with the title screen transforming before our eyes.

Fade to black.

Next scene, a close up of Victoria's Secret model-turned-actress Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's rear end as she ascends a staircase with nothing but a pair of underwear and a dress shirt on. When you see it, if you aren't laughing, you aren't likely to enjoy this movie. Similar to Dug from Pixar's Up, a beautiful woman is a like a squirrel sighting to Bay. He can't help but turn his head when they are in the room and spend a moment drooling before returning to whatever it was he was doing before they showed up.

This one time British embassy employee — Carly is her name, as if Bay cares — is bringing her boyfriend, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) a stuffed "lucky bunny" as he is now residing in Washington D.C. as an Ivy school grad and looking for a job. Replacing Megan Fox as the love interest in the franchise, Huntington-Whiteley serves her role just fine and perhaps there was something to the talk of Fox not being comfortable on Bay's sets as Rosie seems to have even turned in a better performance… for lack of a better word.

Getting back to introductions, life for Sam is comparatively normal to the last few years of his life, though he yearns for the days he was fighting flesh-to-metal against the evil Decepticons, a race of the alien robot species that has gone quiet for the last year as Optimus and his band of Autobots have been working hand-in-hand with the American government to secure the country and even helping combat terrorism abroad.

However, it isn't long before the Decepticons are once again part of the conversation, popping up in Chernobyl with a piece of the spacecraft that landed on the moon 50 years ago. Recognizing the material and learning of the wrecked ship for the first time, Optimus and his team head into space to collect the cargo the ship is holding, which includes Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy), a mentor to Optimus (and apparently a socialist) who created a teleportation system that ultimately plays a large role in the film.

From here, human characters are introduced, including newcomers played by the likes of Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, Alan Tudyk and Frances McDormand. Add to them your list of returning actors including John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel and, of course, Julie White and Kevin Dunn as Sam's parents, who are the number one aspect of this film that absolutely never should have been included. And, finally, Buzz Aldrin and Bill O'Reilly play themselves. Yup, it's a packed house and of the bunch Jeong and Tudyk, the latter especially, add a lot more to the film than I would have expected.

Yet, while the human quotient is just as big, if not bigger, than the previous films it is nowhere near as annoying. As a matter of fact, while Dark of the Moon pretty much follows the same model as the previous two films, it's a matter of timing that keeps this installment afloat while it sunk the other two.

For starters, the attempts at comedy are more a series of one-liners inside the story rather than instances where they feel as if they were simply dropped into the film for a laugh. You won't get robots tip-toeing around gardens, peeing on people's heads, break-dancing or playing up racial stereotypes. What felt like deleted scenes in the first two films are now simply jokes as part of the narrative, which makes them funnier and far less intrusive.

Speaking of narrative, this is where it gets a bit tricky. The film has a cohesive plot. It moves from Point A to Point B and you are never lost, at least not in terms of what is going on. However, the editing is quite poor as scenes seem to be missing and at other times it all turns into one big sizzle reel. Bay will send you off on a storyline for ten minutes, leave it and return 20 minutes later after the situation has been resolved. Other times it's editing for convenience, or merely editing to turn the film into a series of quick cuts, separated by a couple frames of blackness, turning 90 seconds of the story into nothing more than a trailer reel. It's moments like these where Bay just decides to color outside the lines as Steve Jablonsky's score pounds in the background, sounding a lot like a mash-up of his previous Transformers scores and Hans Zimmer's Inception composition. Braaaaaahm!

The reason you are watching this movie, though. The reason you are plunking down your dollars. It's the action. You want to see Bayhem. You want to see robots beating the living hell out of one another as they transform from concept cars, fighter jets, semis and SUVs into heavy artillery wielding robots. Guess what, you get just that and lots of it. And unlike the two previous installments, all of it is shot wide enough for you to make sense of what is happening. Whether it's Optimus ripping the head and mechanical spine off a character or Decepticons disintegrating humans into ash and rolling skulls, you see it all clear as day. Add to that the effects here are truly some of the best I've seen in a movie.

The final piece of the puzzle is the 3D, which has been talked about at length leading up to the film's release, and I can honestly say it is some of the best usage of the format I've seen in some time. Sam is tossed in your face more than once, Ken Jeong will push a couple of gun barrels in your eye and there's a sky dive scene that is simply spectacular. In fact, Bay obviously realized this film with 3D in mind, which means 2D screenings may actually look a bit odd during some of the scenes where the action is meant to come at the audience rather than remain in the box. I'm not saying you'll get a whole lot more out of a 3D screening, but I would definitely say it is the preferable way to see this movie, especially if you are considering waiting to see it on home video.

Overall, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is the film I wish we had gotten the first time around. While it makes all of the same mistakes as its predecessors it does them in ways that don't sabotage the film as much as they are occasional nuisances. More importantly, had the first film been this good there is no telling how good the third film would have been after Bay had learned his lesson and been trained appropriately. Nonetheless, this is still a franchise built around a comic book, cartoon and toy franchise, which means you need to be prepared for a film meant for spectacle over substance and in those terms Dark of the Moon has just enough substance to serve the spectacle and is a film I can easily recommend.

Clash Of The Titans (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

In Clash of the Titans the ultimate struggle for power pitting men against kings and kings against gods. But the war between the gods themselves could destroy the world. Born of a god but raised as a man, Perseus (Worthington) is helpless to save his family from Hades (Fiennes), vengeful god of the underworld. With nothing left to lose, Perseus volunteers to lead a dangerous mission to defeat Hades before he can seize power from Zeus (Neeson) and unleash hell on earth. Leading a daring band of warriors, Perseus sets off on a perilous journey deep into forbidden worlds. Battling unholy demons and fearsome beasts, he will only survive if he can accept his power as a god, defy his fate and create his own destiny.

As someone that once loved the original 1981 Ray Harryhausen-produced Clash of the Titans, I now look back fondly at that picture, but recognize it as a silly (nearly) 30-year-old epic romance. I can only look back with nostalgia and fond memories. I imagine Louis Leterrier's Clash of the Titans remake will make a similar impression on the youth of today, though this is a much more rock 'em-sock 'em telling of the original story, but still just as silly. Boasting updated effects, gooier scorpion deaths and an even larger monster from the deep, this remake places action first, story second and characters last. Yet the story itself is fun enough that I was able to have a good time.

In comparing this one to the first film, the biggest difference is the motivation of the lead character Perseus (Sam Worthington), a demigod born of Zeus. In the original, the journey he follows comes as a result of his love for Andromeda as the Gods have called for her sacrifice in order to save the city of Jobba. The remake follows a similar journey, but Perseus is spurred on following the death of his adoptive family at the hands of the Gods. Here his goal is to save the city of Argos and do so as a man, ignoring his godly bloodlines, proving men don't need the Gods to be great.

Like the original film, Perseus and his fellow journeymen do battle with giant scorpions, receive guidance from the blind witches, travel to the Underworld and face off with the evil Medussa. It's the same story with a bit of a twist and as such I enjoyed it just as I did the original. It's a CGI-filled epic, loaded with monsters and a ridiculous romantic bend, and the story holds this foolishness together long enough for the film to be enjoyable as the diversion it's meant to be.

Scripted by Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (the duo behind the abysmal Aeon Flux) along with Travis Beacham the film runs on thin threads woven by the original scripter Beverley Cross. While the story is not exactly the same, the diversions are mere formalities and Leterrier's ability to film action as he did in Transporter 2 and The Incredible Hulk remains.

Leading that action is Sam Worthington, with a domestic film career that hasn't done much to show us his ability to act in a dramatic role, but with Terminator Salvation, Avatar and now Clash of the Titans under his belt I would say his ability to act against a green screen has been proven. Whether he can turn this current career of corny speeches, a couple of grumbles and a wave of the sword into anything will be tested soon enough in John Madden's The Debt and Last Night opposite Keira Knightley. He doesn't appear to be of the no-brains-and-all-brawn action star niche so his likelihood of being typecast doesn't seem immediately possible, but there's no real way to gauge his talent when all we've really seen of him is a talent for chopping up CG creatures and robots to this point.

Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) plays the soft spoken Io, something of a guide to the group as she has been watching over Perseus all his life. Also among Perseus's traveling band, Mads Mikkelsen (Casino Royale) plays the gruff Argos military leader Draco with the unique charisma we've come to expect from Mikkelsen and Nicholas Hoult (About a Boy and A Single Man) plays the young warrior Eusebios, which reminded me a lot of the timid yet confident performance of Garrett Hedlund in Troy as Achilles's cousin Patroclus.

On Mount Olympus two names stand out, Liam Neeson is commanding as Zeus and Ralph Fiennes plays his scorned brother Hades, channeling his performance as the whispering menace Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise, only this time with a lot more hair — and it works.

The marketing team at Warner Bros. has pretty much ruined any surprise the CG monsters have to offer, short of actually giving a full reveal of Medusa's face (at least to my knowledge). They've even gone so far as to completely reveal the monstrous Kraken, the titan that serves as the film's massive finale. It's a blunder if there ever was one, hurting the chances to offer the audience any form of awe-inspired surprises. Next is the post-production 2D-to-3D conversion, a weak money grab that is evident in every scene. Some scenes, for that matter, can be watched without the glasses entirely with slight edge blurring where a faint hint of depth would otherwise be seen amidst the brightened image to offset the dimming of the polarized 3D glasses.

I would never recommend anyone see this film in the converted 3D as it is only a reason for greedy theater owners and the studio to take a larger bite out of your wallet and offer little to nothing in return. However, I would say anyone looking for a goofy good time at the theater with a big effects driven monster movie this one satisfies on that front. This is the rock 'n' roll battle of men and Gods, and up until the ridiculous final romantic drum beat, it serves as such.

CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010)

Starring: Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Mads Mikkelsen, Alexa Davalos, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Danny Huston, Luke Evans, Nicholas Hoult, Kaya Scodelario

Director: Louis Leterrier

Studio: Warner Bros.Genre: Action / Drama / Fantasy

Rating: PG-13 (For fantasy action violence, some frightening images and brief sensuality.)

Release Date: April 1, 2010

Official Site: http://www.clash-of-the-titans.com/

Alice in Wonderland (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

From Walt Disney Pictures and visionary director Tim Burton comes an epic 3D fantasy adventure ALICE IN WONDERLAND, a magical and imaginative twist on some of the most beloved stories of all time. JOHNNY DEPP stars as the Mad Hatter and MIA WASIKOWSKA as 19-year-old Alice, who returns to the whimsical world she first encountered as a young girl, reuniting with her childhood friends: the White Rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Dormouse, the Caterpillar, the Cheshire Cat, and of course, the Mad Hatter. Alice embarks on a fantastical journey to find her true destiny and end the Red Queen’s reign of terror. The all-star cast also includes ANNE HATHAWAY, HELENA BONHAM CARTER and CRISPIN GLOVER.

Capturing the wonder of Lewis Carroll’s beloved "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" (1865) and "Through the Looking-Glass" (1871) with stunning, avant-garde visuals and the most charismatic characters in literary history, ALICE IN WONDERLAND comes to the big screen in Disney Digital 3D™ on March 5, 2010.

It's Tim Burton so you immediately expect scraggly trees, muted colors, a circus inspired, yet ominous score by Danny Elfman, and stars Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp. You also realize the film is going to be something that makes sure these common elements have a world to inhabit and what better source material than Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"? No doubt Burton finds the stories to fit his sensibilities, but he still has to do something with it to make it worth our time, and I would argue he has, but with a few caveats along the way.

With Alice in Wonderland Burton hasn't done anything that will blow you away, but I will say he's made a perfectly entertaining film. There are missed opportunities that could have taken it over the top, but at the same time there are some things that I really liked.

Burton's Alice assumes those watching have had some experience with Carroll's Wonderland before, be it by movie or by book, as the story centers on a 19-year-old Alice returning to Wonderland, a world she once visited, but now only remembers as a dream. It's an excellent decision that keeps this film from having to tell yet another origin story we are already familiar with.

All the characters we already recognize are here; the Mad Hatter (Depp), the Red Queen (Bonham Carter), Tweedledee and Tweedledum (both played by Matt Lucas), the White Rabbit (Michael Sheen), Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry) and the Blue Caterpillar (Alan Rickman). Crispin Glover plays the Red Queen's right hand man, the Knave of Hearts, and Anne Hathaway flounces around as the White Queen who's in a bitter battle with the Red Queen (also her sister) for what is referred to as Underland.

Alice in Wonderland is reliant on these characters in order for it to work, and all of them do, but most only work on the most basic of levels. Some exceed expectations, such as Bonham Carter as the Red Queen, the absolute best part of the film without question. Sporting a bulbous head, she calls for Tweedledee and Tweedledum, referring to them as her "fat boys" and orders them to speak to one another. "Amuse us," she says while resting her weary feet on the belly of a pig serving as a foot stool. Johnny Depp, on the other hand, looks as crazy as they come as the Mad Hatter, but the character's motivations are unclear and his purpose in the film only seems to be because the story calls for the Mad Hatter and Burton reserves the highest of profile positions for his longtime collaborator.

Also disappointingly bland is the Cheshire Cat. Stephen Fry's voice fits, the large grin is perfect and the animation is spot on, but considering the fact the Mad Hatter's insanity is somewhat muted I at least hoped the Cheshire Cat would add a little bit of mischief, if not a dose of black comedy. The fact both the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat missed the mark is disappointing. At least when Alan Rickman, as the voice of the Blue Caterpillar, referred to Alice as a "stupid girl" it added a little more of what the film needed and Bonham Carter seemed to be the only other one meeting the demand.

Mia Wasikowska plays Alice, and outside of a few small roles up to this point, this is the native Australian's break out role. She does nothing to overly impress, but also does nothing to have me questioning her talents. She said her name was Alice and I was convinced of that, not much more. Then again, Alice's importance to this story is to get us from one wacky character/situation to the next. She's a gateway into Underland and in that respect she satisfies.

While much of what I'm saying may sound bad, it's not. It's wishful thinking that would turn a film I enjoyed into something much better. As far as what Burton has delivered goes, I had a good time. At 109 minutes I was never bored or looking at my watch, although I could have done with a much better ending than what basically boiled down to a Narnia-esque climax that pretty much put the entire narrative into question.

However, I guess offbeat additions to the story, and questioned motivations could be looked at as fitting for a story that is supposed to be the square peg forced into a round hole. But, to steal a line from the Mad Hatter, this film falls short on "muchness." It could have been "much muchier".

ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010)

Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Matt Lucas, Johnny Depp, Michael Sheen, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Crispin Glover, Christopher Lee, Stephen Fry, Marton Csokas, Tim Pigott-Smith, Lindsay Duncan, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall, Leo Bill

Director: Tim Burton

Studio: Walt Disney Pictures

Genre: Fantasy / Adventure

Rating: PG (For fantasy action/violence involving scary images and situations, and for a smoking caterpillar.)

Release Date: March 5, 2010

Official Site: http://www.disney.com/wonderland

Valentine's Day (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

An all-star ensemble cast comes together in Valentine's Day, following the intertwining storylines of a group of Los Angelinos as they find their way through romance over the course of one Valentine's Day.

There is really nothing positive to say about Valentine's Day, a rom-com featuring a cast of recognizable TV stars with Julia Roberts (she was paid $500,000 a minute), Kathy Bates and Anne Hathaway slumming it to be amongst "stars" from "Alias," "That '70s Show" (x2), "Dark Angel," "7th Heaven" and "Grey's Anatomy" (x2). On top of that we have Twilight star of the moment Taylor Lautner, his headline-making girlfriend Taylor Swift and other names such as Jamie Foxx, Bradley Cooper and Queen Latifah not so much adding any kind of overwhelming talent, but certainly adding to the pool of names New Line can use in the film's marketing in an attempt to make it look like they have an actual product, but it's surface level at best.



Directing this mess of "OK! Magazine" cover models is Garry Marshall whose career has been declining at a rapid pace since Pretty Woman in 1990 and it has now hit rock bottom with a film Cupid's arrow couldn't even make attractive. In what is really nothing more than a fifth-rate Love Actually knock-off — all the way down to the cute little kid looking for love — Valentine's Day can't even hold a conversation with the far more entertaining predecessor of which I am embarrassed to even mention in the same sentence.

Set in the overused city of Los Angeles, Valentine's Day introduces us to a myriad of relationships, some doomed from the outset, others set on a destructive path all while the story heads toward its redemptive conclusion with four times the endings Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King offered. You don't know sorrow until you've suffered through what is essentially twelve endings to a movie I was ready to walk out of after losing all hope midway through.

We have denied love, looking for love, tired love, new love, young love, can't find love, cheating love, forever in love, motherly love and even virgins looking to make love. Oh, and Valentine's Day just wouldn't be complete if screenwriter Katherine Fugate didn't still believe that gay love was a source of surprise. Guess what Katherine, it's no surprise people are gay in this world, although I'm not sure I believe anything coming out of the actor's mouth when he claimed to be just that. To that complaint, this film reeks with some of the worst acting I have seen in a very long time.

The worst of the bunch is easily Taylor Swift whom I thought may have just been nervous in her "Saturday Night Live" appearance, but no, she's really that bad. Eric Dane breaks into some kind of macho teleprompter speak that's as stunted as his character arc and if movies are going to rely on Ashton Kutcher and George Lopez to reveal the moral of the story you may as well just give up.

Poorly edited sequences had me guess whether Jennifer Garner was in Los Angeles or San Francisco and if Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway are on the verge of a relationship ever-lasting I certainly wasn't convinced. Finally, a scene with George Lopez swinging on a swing set with his wife is almost as laugh out loud hilarious as the Bella and Edward dream sequence in New Moon. Get a padded room you two!

I felt no emotion other than boredom and hatred while watching this film. The only laugh comes in the final moments courtesy of Jamie Foxx, which is just sad considering Marshall had two hours before that to deliver some humor. And I wouldn't be surprised if Foxx's line was improvised.

If you're dating one of those people that already hates Valentine's Day certainly stay clear of this one as it won't brighten their mood. All Valentine's Day does is give the naysayers more to complain about while such obviously female-driven fare once again proves to dupe unsuspecting ladies into a film even they will have a hard time enjoying. As one woman sitting next to me whispered with about an hour left in the film, "This movie is awful." If you can't take it from me, take it from her, what she says is true.

VALENTINE'S DAY (2010)

Starring: Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Shirley MacLaine, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace, Emma Roberts, Hector Elizondo, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Carter Jenkins

Director: Garry Marshall

Studio: New Line Cinema

Genre: Romance / Comedy

Rating: PG-13 (For some sexual material and brief partial nudity.)

Release Date: February 12, 2010

Official Site: http://www.valentinesdaymovie

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

It’s the 21st century, but the gods of Mount Olympus and assorted monsters have walked out of the pages of high school student Percy Jackson’s Greek mythology texts and into his life. And they’re not happy: Zeus’ lightning bolt has been stolen, and Percy is the prime suspect. Even more troubling is the sudden disappearance of Percy's mother. As Percy adapts to his newly discovered status as a demi-god (his father is Poseidon), he finds himself caught between the battling titans of Mt. Olympus. He and his friends embark on a cross-country adventure to catch the true lightning thief, save Percy’s mom, and unravel a mystery more powerful than the gods themselves.

You probably already knew Mount Olympus was the home of the Greek gods, but did you know to get there all you have to do is take an elevator secretly located inside the Empire State Building to get there? I was equally shocked to learn Medusa runs a greenhouse in New Jersey and lotus eaters have taken up residence in Las Vegas. Next thing you're going to tell me is Hell is located in Hollywood. Wait… What? It is?

Based on the popular teen novels written by Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is hoping to catch on like Harry Potter at the theaters, so much so the director of the first two Potter features, Chris Columbus, duped Fox into hiring him for the gig. However, Fox must have forgotten this was the same guy that directed I Love You Beth Cooper for the studio only a year ago, proving his talents do have limits, as does the filmed version of Percy Jackson.

Telling the story of its title character, played by 18-year-old Logan Lerman — a gifted young actor who had an excellent turn in My One and Only — we learn early on Percy Jackson is the son of Poseidon, but as it turns out the Gods aren't the stay at home type of parents and Percy has no idea who is father is. This origin story of sorts finds its footing as Zeus's lightning bolt is stolen (not exactly sure how that happens), and the King of the Gods places the blame on his nephew Percy and has given him 14 days to return it or a war of the Gods will begin. Scary right? I mean, warring Gods can't be good and it's represented in the film by a big scary rain cloud (sans lightning of course).

Seeing how the Gods serve as absentee parents, a magical training facility is set up in the woods for their half-human, half-god children (referred to as demigods) to bone up on their sword fighting. What they're training so hard to do is never mentioned, but I guess it doesn't really matter since logic and story details have no real place here. To make up for it the story tries to move along fast enough so you won't notice. So just as soon as Percy joins this band of forest dwellers it isn't long before he learns Hades (Steve Coogan) has taken his mom (Catherine Keener) hostage, causing Percy to set off on the highway to Hell with his half-goat friend (Brandon T. Jackson) and the film's young love interest (Alexandra Daddario).

All of this may sound amusing and entertaining in digital ink and after seeing a couple of trailers I expected it to be just that. Unfortunately it's just boring. Columbus's direction of this picture is paint-by-numbers. Its only interest is in getting from A-to-B and doing it as quickly and painlessly as possible. Should the scene call for a big action set piece filled with CGI Columbus delivers it just as expected and as seen in any number of other films like it. Boring.

While the idea of Gods and their children living secretly among us is a fascinating thought, this film is as straight to the point as it could be. It accepts its silliness, but I can't. Too much goes unanswered and what's left is, for the most part, uninteresting. It all boils down to people battling CGI monsters or hurling CGI weapons at one another. So much money goes into the effects that the studio hopes you'll forgive the plot holes. Even worse, outside of a rather cool water-logged finale the effects didn't do much for me either.

Uma Thurman pulled off the Medusa role with a satisfying bit of menace and charm, but her head of snakes was more distracting than impressive. Steve Coogan as Hades is inspired casting, and I got a kick out of seeing him in the role after realizing it was him, but as the scene progresses he shifts into the fiery God to prove a point and all I could think was Wow, they just wasted a lot of money for a joke that wasn't even funny.

The entertainment factor in Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is shorter-lived than its long-winded title. The actors play their parts with such lackluster enthusiasm it's hard to ever get into the story, but perhaps that's because there is so little holding the story together there wasn't much for them to get excited about. I've heard the books are entertaining, good thing, because the movie's not.

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF (2010)

Starring: Uma Thurman, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Kevin McKidd, Melina Kanakaredes, Logan Lerman, Brandon Jackson, Catherine Keener

Director: Chris Columbus

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Genre: Fantasy / Adventure

Rating: PG (For action violence and peril, some scary images and suggestive material, and mild language.)

Release Date: February 12, 2010

Legion (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

In the supernatural action thriller Legion, an out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race.

When God loses faith in Mankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity's only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner and the Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany).

Angels with machine guns. That's the way co-writer/director Scott Stewart described the film and that's how I approached Legion, and with that in mind I would say I almost got everything I asked for. However, instead of angels with machine guns I got an angel with a machine gun in a war determining the fate of mankind that was so one-sided it should have been over in a matter of seconds, but somehow managed to last an hour and 40 minutes. I'm beginning to open my eyes to how much fun films with absurd plot premises can be, but filmmakers are going to have to give us more than a tagline and begin delivering on an entire plot if they ever want to make anything more than a trailer out of their feature length movies.

Legion takes place in a middle-of-nowhere diner where the fate of mankind will be played out as God has lost faith in humanity and has sent the Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) to kill the baby that would otherwise save mankind. Michael disobeys and decides to protect the baby declaring he is giving God what he needs rather than what he's asked for, which causes God to send his entire angel army to do what Michael won't.

Occupants of the diner include Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, Charles S. Dutton, Lucas Black, Kate Walsh, Willa Holland and Adrianne Palicki. It's not exactly an A-list group of actors, which is why Bettany is getting lead credit even though his decision-making when it comes to film roles recently is at the very least questionable. Stewart directed the film and co-wrote with Peter Schink whose only previous writing credit was co-writing "Gotham Cafe" an adaptation of a Stephen King novella.

Stewart is primarily known in the Hollywood ranks as a visual effects guru. He worked at the effects house The Orphanage, and with them he worked on the effects for Iron Man, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to name a few. As such it's no surprise his feature directorial debut would be an effects heavy feature that plays more like a video game than a movie, but that isn't necessarily the problem.

Where Stewart falters is in creating an admittedly fun premise and hands the keys to the future of mankind to a couple country bumpkins represented by Adrianne Palicki in a performance Estella Warren can be proud of and Lucas Black (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) playing a guy named Jeep, which really says just about all you need to know about his character. On top of that, (spoiler warning) how many black people do you need to put in a film in order to make sure at least one of them lives to see the end, or at least beyond a film's midway point? Apparently two isn't enough as Charles S. Dutton and Tyrese never even stood a chance, but I guess that's not important as neither one of them was pregnant with the baby that would save mankind. I'll tell you one thing though, if I had a choice of appointing Tyrese or Lucas Black to look after the baby that represents the future of mankind I'll take Tyrese every day of the week and -- wink, wink -- twice on Sunday.

I originally saw footage from this film at the San Diego Comic Con and my thoughts then assumed Legion would "be somewhere in the C-to-B-level range fantasy/CG effort." I wasn't too far off. As much as I can begin respecting absurd films for grasping tightly to their absurd plot-lines they still have to deliver more than just repeat gunfire and stereotypical screaming demons. The killer grandma from the trailer was entertaining, a demonic kid was creepy and the moment where Lucas and Adrianne climb a mountain for no apparent reason was hilarious. Hardly a recipe for even an early year effects feature.

As Legion continued to play I grew increasingly annoyed and just wanted it all to end. On home video it might make for a decent diversion, but it gives little reason to waste your money at the box-office watching something that delivers little more than its trailer did already.

LEGION (2010)

Starring: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, Jon Tenney, Charles S. Dutton, Lucas Black, Kate Walsh, Kevin Durand, Willa Holland, Doug Jones, Adrianne Palicki

Director: Scott Charles Stewart

Studio: Screen Gems

Genre: Thriller

Rating: R (For strong bloody violence, and language.)

Release Date: January 22, 2010

Official Site: http://legionmovie.com

The Book of Eli (2010) Review

SYNOPSIS:

Centers on a lone hero named Eli (Washington) who must fight his way across the wasteland of a near-future America to protect a sacred book that might hold the key to saving the future of humanity.

If life were to imitate art any time soon I would say we are in for a bit of a grey season. It appears Terminator Salvation and The Road didn't offer enough ashy post-apocalyptic decay in 2009 so the Hughes brothers (Menace II Society) banded together with Denzel Washington to deliver the spiritually driven actioner The Book of Eli, a film that never renders much of a heartbeat as much as it just predictably hums along for 118 minutes. I'm not necessarily complaining mind you -- this film isn't half-bad -- just don't go in expecting your world to be turned upside down.

Denzel stars as the title character Eli whom we first meet walking alone in the grey and desolate world left after nuclear war tore a hole in the sky causing the sun to scorch the Earth. Eli walks this wasteland with a purpose only he knows and in his possession is a book, of which the importance is quite clear once we meet Gary Oldman.

Oldman plays the evil Carnegie, a man lording over a small town in the middle of nowhere in search of said book with the intent of using it to control the unfortunate souls around him who are unable to read or write and would be susceptible to coercion. Control is his angle and he knows how to gain it.

The Book of Eli is a highly spiritual film, but it never takes things too far one way or the other even though it has its opportunities. The moment Carnegie spells out his plans, in which his intentions are obvious, his description could have upset some had it been explored further. It's quite clear, though, the Hughes brothers, working with a script written by Gary Whitta, were more interested in telling a story than making any kind of grand statements.

As such, the story has a few ups, such as the injection of humor offered by Michael Gambon late in the film and Eli's playful exchange with Tom Waits a bit earlier. The action scenes work well and the mood is set nicely using the stark landscapes of New Mexico to represent America and a scratchy techno-rock infused score from Atticus Ross. You can call upon many post-apocalyptic films for reference as cars litter the street shoulders and craters can be seen off to the side of the road. Echoes of Mad Max are obvious, but it never gets to the point it feels thin. There's nothing to complain about just as much as there is nothing really to champion.

Denzel is solid as Eli, and like I'm sure many of you out there also wondered, I was curious how Washington -- in his mid-fifties -- would do in a role that required plenty of hand-to-hand combat. I wondered if it would look slow or if flash editing would be necessary to hide his age, but in fact things looked quite intact and the action isn't overly used by any means. Stylized and visually comparable to a comic book it may be, but for an R-rated movie this isn't a gore-soaked extravaganza. In fact the Hughes brothers did a very good job never overselling any one portion of the film and managed to tell a very balanced story that revealed just enough information when necessary and knew just when to throw in some action to keep things moving along.

For what it's worth I wouldn't hesitate to recommend The Book of Eli to anyone looking for something to watch in theaters. As a beginning of the year entry, this film tries much harder to tell a story than most and actually comes out doing so with a good bit of action tossed into the mix. After all, as I was discussing with some fellow critics before the film began, it's hard to think of many Denzel Washington films that aren't easy to watch and even those that fall lower on the scale are better than 90% of the dreck that's out there.

THE BOOK OF ELI (2010)

Starring: Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis, Gary Oldman, Ray Stevenson, Jennifer Beals, Michael Gambon, Evan Jones

Director: Albert Hughes, Allen Hughes

Studio: Warner Bros.

Genre: Action / Thriller

Rating: R (For some brutal violence and language.)

Release Date: January 15, 2010

Official Site: http://www.bookofelimovie.com